The best New Year’s resolution: be where you are

If you’ve read anything I’ve written you know that I am not a huge fan of New Year’s and resolutions. To me personally, it feels more pressure-filled than anything else. Of course, it is a good time of year to make the necessary changes in order to live a life you love. It is, after all, the end of one chapter and the start of a new chapter – a new year – and that tends to be a time people are ready to make a change.

It’s like starting a diet on a Monday, not a random Thursday. Not that I believe in diets per se but I do understand the draw to want to start new and fresh on the first – of anything: the year, the month, the week.

Best New Year's Resolution

For me, what doesn’t always feel comfortable or right is how resolutions seem to indicate what I didn’t do enough last year, or that I must do more this year in order to be ________(fill in the blank).  Better. Smarter. Richer?

I am all for setting goals and putting out into the Universe your intentions.  I think it is a great idea to write things down and get very clear on what it is you want to feel, do, and be.

And I think it is a good idea this time of year especially to reflect a bit on the past year. Look at your accomplishments, and the major lessons learned. And perhaps because of them, what you are ready to let go of as you start a new year.  {This quick one-sheet “Simple Year In Review” document by Marie Forleo is a great guide to do that work.} 

But here is the thing: Goals are different from resolutions in my book.

Goals are a great guide.  They bring clarity to your actions, so you can then take things in stride.

Resolutions can feel like you are ignoring the present in a way.  They almost imply that you think about “you” in the future with little regard for who you are in the present.

So look, if you are going to make resolutions let them speak to who you are now.

This quote from Glennon Doyle was posted years ago. I love it so much that I printed it up and posted it where I can see it because it helps me resolve in the now.

And importantly, it gives me permission to work with who I am now and accept who I am now.

I don’t want a new, better life… I just want new eyes to see that my life is already staggeringly beautiful.

I don’t want to be a better mom… I just want new eyes to see that the miracle is not good better best — the miracle is that these people are mine and I am theirs. Full stop.

And I don’t want to be a BETTER ME… Screw that. I don’t want to chase after some imaginary more fabulous version of myself. I AM what the people I love need. I already AM. And when we are always BECOMING we have no room to BE. So I’m done striving. I’m fine, thanks. I’m showing up to love my people and you and the world this year JUST AS I AM.”

I am quite tired of trying to constantly feeling as though who I am now – which is messy at times – is not the exact right place to be. If I am always trying to become more and more, it is hard to be proud that where I am is more than good enough.

As we close out an old year there is no better way to enter the new than with a reminder to be where you are.  Just as you are.

That is what I am going to do: appreciate and own who I am. Have pride in where I am and resolve to show up to love the world, myself, and others…just as I am.  It’s the best New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made.

I hope you will join me and do the same.

Showing 3 comments
  • Lynn Landers

    This post is fantastic! Living in the now instead of the next is an everyday struggle for me and something I’m very conscious of each day. And I know I’m not the only one out there :). Wishing you a fantastic day whatever you do. Thank you for sharing your insight and self.

    • Francesca

      Lynn! I share your struggle! And I think just being aware of what we are doing (and being willing to keep working at it) is the step in the right direction to achieving the “now”. Happy New Year to you — and thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! <3 f.

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