I am *that* mom and proud of it

I have heard just about every cliche there is about parenting over the past 4 years since our daughter was place in our home.  What a layered, tumultuous, fear-filled, self-esteem-lowering, self-esteem-raising road it has been — and no doubt will continue to be.  Yes, it is rewarding and fun.

And challenging.

Part of the challenge, I am learning, has been dealing with that constant feeling of being judged.  While it subsides the more I grow, when that feeling is there it causes me to pause. And often leaves me thinking too much about how I “look” as a mom – which doesn’t get me anywhere (The Four Agreements has taught me that). And knowing that doesn’t seem to make the challenge of shutting out those voices easy.  The questions still pop up: Do I sound like I don’t care?  Does it seem I am putting her on a pedestal?  Am I making it sound like I’ve got a perfect child? Did I do that correctly? Does that mom think I am screwing up my child? Am I screwing up my child?

I am starting to embrace those questions, and the doubt and fear they raise.

I am learning that there is strength in those doubts because those doubts and fears and sabotage are part of the process. They are from where my greatest lessons come.

We create power within anytime we embrace a situation that ultimately allows us to grow.

This feeling of being judged isn’t new to me. I have been hearing a lot about who I must be because of the job I do. When I  tell someone I am a professional organizer I am immediately flooded with statements like, “Your house must be immaculate.  Everything must be in order.”

And I hear that since I am  “organized”, I must be anal and strict or that I must not have a sentimental bone in my body. {Yes, someone really said that to me.}

As a health coach similar assumptions are made. I hear all the time that I am depriving myself by eating Paleo, not living my life, not enjoying food, or am restricting myself too much. I live a certain lifestyle first for health reasons.  And because of my personality {ever the recovering perfectionist} I want to do things well. So I have dig deep for more information, and real science. This way I can not only better understand why certain foods and lifestyle choices do certain things to the body and mind, but so that I can share the information.

My conviction is pretty strong about what I have learned about being well and living life healthier and organized. And I am passionate about dumbing down the complexities and assumptions of “being healthy” and “being organized” – even as I sort things out for myself.

Now that I am Mom, it’s as if all of what I have learned – and continue to learn – is put to the test.

And the questions and assumptions that are made challenge me to own the decisions I have made. And be willing to tweak them where needed.

I have said I don’t want to be “that” mom who makes people talk. But people are going to talk anyway. So I’m thinking it is better to beat to my own drum, determine through trial and error what works best for my family, and be confident in my decisions.

I have been met with real, face-to-face questioning, and some perceived-in-my-own-head opinions, and with time I feel good about being “that” mom.  Proud even.

If being that mom means I will be judged because I don’t let my daughter eat processed sugar, or gluten, or stay up past 7:30 if I can help it, or ….go out of the house without a coat!, then judge away.

If being that mom means I will be judged for questioning a teacher or an entire administration on their practices of giving food as a treat or reward in the classroom, then judge away.

If being that mom means I will be judged for any of the practices – conventional or not so much – that I think at the time will work for my family, then judge away.

I know I am also that mom who digs deep for knowledge, asks questions of those who have come before or have done what I am doing, takes stock in my successes and reevaluates my failures.

I am that mom who affirms with my daughter every evening her worth and strength; who challenges her towards fully understanding gratitude and allows her to be creative so she can be the best version of herself, and in turn be a good contribution in this world

I am not in this parenting business to pass judgment on fellow parents, or their children.

I am in this to bring up a good child – and by good I mean will do good, feel good, and choose …good [wisely]. And I’m in this to pay attention to the lessons set forth for me because I am a parent. There is so much good learning to be had.

That’s my job. And the more I do it, the more I see that all Moms, and those as the primary parenting providers, are just trying to be the best they can in this crazy – seriously so – job of bringing up little beings to be decent adults.

We are all “that” mom.

We may not know it and if we do we may not like it.

But it is something to be proud of.